Smile
by Girl With The Dandelion
Summary: Daine has decided to leave Numair for his own good, but what does he have to say about that?


Weeks. Daine had been having her doubts for weeks. She had seen the ladies of the court. She had seen their promiscuous flirtations, their beautiful looks, their ability to entertain where she could not. Although Numair had countless times professed his undying devotion to Daine, she could not help but doubt when she saw the women she had to compete with. Her animal friends did nothing but try to convince her that there was no competition. They told her she had an earthly beauty, where the women of the court were nearly all fake; she was natural. And for weeks she had been trying to convince herself otherwise. Daine wanted so badly to believe she was good enough for her beloved, but in truth, there were so many better.

The brown haired half-god fingered the ring on her left hand. It seemed to weigh down her entire body lately, screaming at her to return it so that it could adorn someone more deserving. Surely Numair deserved someone better. He was everything Daine could ever imagine she would ever want, and yet she was mulling over leaving him. Her heart would break for sure, but she would sacrifice her happiness for his.  
Daine looked around at the women and men twirling around in one of Tortall's waltzes, and she felt her eyes fill with tears. She looked painfully plain next to everyone in the room. Her own Numair was dancing with someone else. She knew it was out of friendship, but right now, she couldn't have cared less. Her mind was made up. Creating a decoy, Daine left the room. She knew Numair would not be fooled for long, so she had to hurry. She left behind everyone she loved. She left behind her heart. Surely though, it did not matter. Her heart broke with every step further she took. A broken heart was useless. Daine had seen heartbreak. She had seen it among the Riders, among the villagers, even among her own circle of personal friends. Even in the animal world, the world of the People, heartbreak was inescapable. Granted, most species of animal mated for life, but in such cases death was the heartbreaker. There was no avoiding the simplicities in life. Sadly, Daine had incorrectly led herself to believe that heartbreak was inevitable. She had no idea that she possessed true love. She knew she loved Numair, of course, why else would she be leaving, but she didn't realize the power of her and Numair's love. It had no boundaries, but Daine didn't know that. All she knew was that she needed to get away from Numair. She did not want to hold him back. She didn't want to be the one to take away that light he had, to take away from his dreams.

Daine had often heard of Numair's dreams from Numair himself, and they were glorious beautiful ambitions. She knew without a doubt that he could accomplish each and every one of them, but with her in the picture, she feared she would hold him back, and Daine did not want that treachery on her shoulders. The very thought of Numair failing at anything, especially because of her, brought Daine to her knees in sorrow. When she reached her rooms, adjoined to Numair's, she grabbed for her cloak. Sitting down at her desk, she hurriedly wrote out her parting letter to her love. She explained why she was leaving. She told him she knew that he may be in pain because of her sudden departure, what with their wedding only a few months away, but she also explained why it was necessary. She told Numair that his infatuation (that was all it could be) with her was blinding him. She told him that she would not be responsible for holding him back. Daine told him that she loved him, with everything she was, and that was why she had to leave. Once she finished, her tears barely able to stay in her eyes, she folded the parchment and stuck it through her engagement ring. She looked around her room one last time, then fled.

Daine ran through the halls, past the stunned servants, and away from the castle outskirts. She trekked through the forest, her tears pouring. She considered shape shifting, but no animal deserved to feel her pain right now. She argued that no one deserved her pain at all, but in the end she settled for, she, herself more than deserved this pain. As the clouds released all of their consumed water, the already wet forest floor gave way to mud and soon small streams were forming. It had only been two hours since she left, and she knew Numair was looking for her, so she pushed on harder. Daine had not changed out from her dancing clothes, so she was ill prepared for the torrential downpour. Soon enough, her feet folded under her, and she was tumbling down the ravine. She reached out for anything that could break her fall and instead her fingers wrapped around loose stones and broken branches. Not only was she falling, but now her hands were bleeding with fresh scrapes and cuts. She was stopped when her side collided with an oak tree. She screamed as she heard the bones crack. How could she have been so stupid? She should have changed her clothing, but she had been in such a hurry. As Daine attempted to stand, she fell to the ground, her entire body shaking with pain.  
_  
My Gods and Goddesses how am I supposed to move? I can hardly feel anything…  
_  
The cold rain numbed part of the pain, but it also made it even more difficult for Daine to get up. Her limbs were stiff. When she tried to stand once more, she collapsed, gasping for breath. She had broken all six of her ribs, she could feel it. It hurt to breathe, so maybe she even punctured her lungs. As she closed her eyes, feeling that the Graveyard Hag had to be close by now, Daine thought about all of her memories. The first time she kissed Numair. The first time they confessed their love. The first time they made love. The last time he had asked her to marry him and how she had joyfully and finally accepted. All of her firsts filled her thoughts, and she was thankful that Numair was her last. She knew she would not be his though, and that was how she had wanted things to go. Daine lay on the floor, more or less dying, and all she could think of was how she wanted Numair to be happy. She could hear someone calling her name in the distance. She thought it might be the angels coming for her, the voice was so wonderful. She saw someone running to her, come so close she could smell the familiar scent, and then she blacked out.

* * *

When she woke up, a voice to her left startled her.

"Are you insane?"

Her head was pounding, like it had that time she had had a little too much wine. She moved to stand, but once again, the pain in her side inhibited from doing so.

"Speak softly. And no, why would you say that?"

Numair shook his head as if she had asked the silliest question.

"First, you create a decoy, one I noticed right away, then, you leave me a letter that tore out my heart, and then, you nearly take yourself away from me forever. So again, are you insane?"

"You see? That's why I left. Numair, I cant stay when you have so many important opportunities, because I'll just take you away from them. You have so many unexplored dreams, and I-."

Numair cut her off with his lips pressed to hers.

"Why cant you understand that those dreams mean nothing if you aren't there to share them with me? You are my most important dream, and I don't care what you have to say about it. Daine, when I found you there, broken on the floor…I cried. I thought I'd lost you! I…well, I'm sorry, but I burnt the tree down."

"Numair you shouldn't have done that, that could have been home to birds or squirrels."

He grinned sheepishly.

"I know, that's why I told any to run."

Daine sighed and closed her eyes.

"Well, thank you."

"I knew that if I hadn't you would have been upset."

"You were worried about me being upset when I had just disappeared? Don't you see, Numair! I need to go!"

"Daine, don't you dare. My heart broke with your letter, but having to watch you leave, while your injured no less, will forever sever it."

Daine wanted so badly to conform, just this once. Numair had said she was his dream. She looked into his eyes when he continued speaking.

"Daine if I've ever made you think that you weren't good enough for me, then I'm a rotten bastard. You are too good for me, I don't deserve you, not the other way around. I've seen how far you've come, from being the lost thirteen year old girl, to the eighteen year old woman you are today, and I've been there nearly every step of the way. Everything you do and say makes me love you more and more, and if you can ever forgive me for making you doubt that, it would be a miracle."

Daine grabbed Numair's hand and brought it to her lips. She kissed his fingertips and said,

"No, you've never _made_ me feel that way, not once. It's something I figured on my own. I can't be those women of the court, and I know that that is who you're used to. I don't want to change you Numair. I wont be the one to do that."

Numair took hold of her, and gingerly held her in his arms so as not to cause her pain. He kissed her cheeks and her eyes and her nose, her hair, everything but her lips. He saved her lips for last, but when they did kiss, Daine couldn't remember why she wanted to leave. When their lips parted, their breathing ragged, Daine thought about what Numair had said to her, about her being his dream. He was her dream, why couldn't it be true? Numair had never lied to her before, at least about the two of them, why would he start now?

"Numair…I'll stay. But, if you hold back on anything because of me…I won't live with that."

Once more, he silenced her with a kiss.

"The same goes for you."

She smiled, content.

"Promise me."

Numair cupped her cheek.

"I promise. Do you promise to never take this off again?"

He held up her engagement ring, a silver band with a sapphire set in the middle, similar to a pair of earrings he had once given her for Midwinter. He slipped it onto the fourth finger of her left hand, and then proceeded to hold it.

"I promise, it never comes off."

Numair smiled and held Daine close. She knew just then, that nothing in the world compared to being his arms. Nothing mattered to her more than seeing Numair smile. Knowing she was the cause of the smile made it all the more better. With the knowledge she had now, the knowing that _she_ was Numair's dream, made her smile in satisfaction. She grinned wider when Numair said,

"I love it when you smile."

"I love you."

He hugged her close, and smiled.


End file.
